Running through Grief
There are just over 4 weeks to go until I’m faced with a road stretching 26.2 miles and the need to run from mile 0 to the finishing line.
The last couple of weeks have been rough, but not for the usual reasons like feeling wiped out from training five days a week, dealing with the odd injury, or being tempted by a Netflix binge of Ted Lasso! No, my struggle stems from the loss of my Granda, Archie.
I had an upbringing quite different from some families perhaps. My parents, brother, grandparents, and I all lived under the same roof until I moved out at the age of 15. I loved it, and it was a privileged situation to be in. Our home was split: we lived upstairs, and my grandparents lived in a self-contained flat below us. The sort of shared space created something beautiful: we could visit each other at the drop of a hat, and both homes were rarely empty, so there was always someone to talk to. It also meant that we all aged together and experienced life together with only one floor separating our lives. It fostered a profound sense of connection with our lives unfolding together and the void left by Granda's absence now feels big - and he was a big man!
I put this postcard on my desk when things started to feel difficult. It’s one we created for Small, Powerful Groups but it’s given me a lot of strength these past couple of weeks with having to train on top of grieving. Turning up to work has felt hard and making myself run even harder. But these words remind me to keep going. Nothing stands still, including us. And nothing remains the same, including us. And although getting back on with life has felt a bit like I’m leaving something or someone behind, it’s because with grief you’re also forced to accept that everything from this point will be different. And the uncertainty that comes with change is the only certainty in life.
Even when you view change as a positive thing, identity shifts can be rattling. We're always talking about change in our community, and there's this quote from Miles Davis that really hits home: "It’s not about standing still and becoming safe. If anybody wants to keep creating, they have to be about change." Whether it's shifting our mindset, adapting to new situations, or just changing how we see ourselves, it's tough work. But having a crew to lean on while you're going through it? That's everything.
In the midst of all this pain and uncertainty, though, there's this glimmer of hope. Because every step forward, whether it's on the road or in life, is a chance to grow. So as I tie up my shoes and hit the pavement, I'm carrying with me the strength I've gained from loss, and the belief that change, as scary as it can be, is also where the magic happens.
If you want to get behind Heather’s fundraising efforts, you can sponsor her here.
